Build Date: Sat Dec 21 18:10:08 2024 UTC
Your meat is negative meat, not good meat.
-- Doctor Murdock
Where No Caveman Has Gone Before
2002-04-06 18:06:01
Join the crew of the Enterprise as they "Flash" back into the pre-Bronze era and join Stonefleet on Stonedate 25,000 B.C.
Meet Captain James T. Kirkstone, the swaggering, ne'er-do-well, beer guzzling, woman chasing commander of the U.S.S. Magnetize and his First Officer Sprock, a Volcano by birth and the only member of the cavecrew to even remotely behave in a logical fashion.
Along with Chief Medial Officer Leonard "Fossil" RcKoy, who is in charge of the Magnetize's pre-Aesculapian healing department and liquor cabinet (and evidenced by the shiny red nose he always seems to have) and the kilt wearing Celt, Chief Engineering Montgomery "Shoddy" Shodd, who (usually) manages to keep the Magnetize's hybrid vegetable/mineral hull in one piece and prevent the magna/antimagma warped engines from erupting.
Lt. Hikaru Silu, Lt. Uhearya, Ensign Pavel Chipov and Nurse Christine Charcoal around out the cast of irregulars as the Helmsman, Communication Officer, Navigator and Nurse.
Six episodes currently await your viewing pleasure as our noble, if slightly bent, crew battles the trials and tribbles (a long promised episode) of outer space in its pre-vacuumed state era. Armed with geysers, communicating with clammunicators and delivered to planet surfaces via the transdropper, our heroes fight the evil Klingasaurus and Rockulans long before deep space puns were outlawed.
(Flash required)
T O P S T O R I E S
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
Every Labor Day weekend a large portion of the PDJ staff joins 30,000 other freaks at one of the biggest and strangest art festivals in the world - Burning Man - somewhere on the edge of the Black Rock Desert. Our base of operations is always the ultra swank Spock Mountain Research Labs - the World Leaders in Beverage Science and Leisure Technology. This year, we hauled up our computers, printers and a massive digital duplicator, determined to become Black Rock City's third daily newspaper. Even Spock was surprised by our success - news will never be viewed the same on the playa. Read all seven issues of the 2002 Spock Science Monitor for yourself and see why. (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
