Build Date: Mon Apr 21 09:10:15 2025 UTC
Discussions about Java are good and natural and embody everything that is clean and good about the world.
-- Ratsnatcher
News FLASH!!! Demos Assured of a White House Victory
2000-11-09 14:34:18
Democrats have secret weapon in race for President.
As I'm sure you are all aware of, there has not been a definitive outcome in last Tuesday election for the office of the President of the United States. It seems that due to the some obscure parts of the Constitution and etc. etc. etc. and yadda yadda yadda (like we need to talk about how the Electoral College works again) the most powerful position on the planet is being decided by Cuba exiles and Jewish retirees in southern Florida right now.
Or is it?
The crack reporting staff here at the Pigdog Journal has been talking with unnamed sources inside the National Democratic Committee and it seems that the Democrats have an ace up stuffed down their pants due to some precipitous and long range planning.
As long as Gore takes Oregon, the sources said, they got the election in the bag. Because with Oregon going to Gore and Florida to Bush, the Electoral College would be 267 to 271. However, the sources say, they planted moles deep inside the Republican Party long ago. These sources assure us here at the PDJ that at least 3 of these moles will be selected by the Republicans as delegates at the Electoral College. With these 3 swing votes, moving from the Bush column to the Gore column, the Electoral College vote count would reverse and Bush would get 268 and Gore would have 270 and would become the next President of the United States.
These moles are apparently hippies that went underground 35 years ago, forced to trade their Levis and VW-Buses for Armani suits and Lexus'. These radicals have been living in the suburbs, forced to raise their kids in elite public schools and attend morning Republican funding raising pray breakfasts all these years will finally have their revenge. Fuckin' A, who'd a thunk that the fate of the nation is controlled by a small group of ex-hippies.
More information as this story develops.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
The end of summer is near and sirens call of Black Rock City are beginning to summons Pigdoggers from all of the world to Burning Man. Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL), the world leader in beverage science and leisure technology will be at our second home for a week at 5:00 and Infant (how fitting) as we enjoy the liberated lifestyle of a temporary community 200 miles from nowhere... (More...)
Put the "Life" Back in SF "Nightlife"
The Man is putting the hurting on San Francisco clubs, but some people are fighting back. Beajolais! Flesh interviews Leslie Ayers of the San Francisco Late Night Coalition. (More...)
Eavesdropping on Geeks: 'Star Trek: Discovery' vs 'The Orville'
If you broke into Pigdog's top sekrit headquarters, spying on their mysterious mix of weird science and old-skool geekiness, you'd overhear this conversation: (More...)
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
Ratsnatcher gets HOT HOT HOT in this classic road tale that looks at the steamy underworld of Bay Area Linux advocacy. Loosen your collar for this one! (More...)