Build Date: Sat Apr 19 01:20:19 2025 UTC
Arguing on Pigdog is like the Special Olympics: even if you win, you're still a retard.
-- Quaker State Tapioca Rupture
Andre the Giant Has A Posse Comitatus
2002-04-18 13:20:38
Donald Rumsfield has stated that the creation of a military command whose sole mission is to defend American territory will not erode legal limits on using federal troops inside U.S. Borders. Please note that the federal government has an exciting way of using the word "not." Some fun examples: Income tax will be a temporary 2% tax and will *not* remain after it is needed, Social Security Numbers will *not* be used to uniquely identify and track U.S. Citizens, the recently created and disbanded military Department of Lying to the Press will *not* be used to lie to the press, and Census information is confidential and will *not* be handed over to law enforcement agencies for pursuing individuals. Not. I love that word.
Pardon me if I seem cynical. Why would I feel that way?
Could it be that recently the federal government has been making a routine of overriding state's rights to put the National Guard under federal control in cases of domestic need, wresting their use away from local governors in frequent "Title 10" invocations?
Could it be that this whole thing is hitting my fragile and redundant brain on the same day as I find out that the White House is considering subcontracting "e-government" rights to Microsoft and their miserable Passport technology?
Could it be that the more the press talks about homeland security and the constant overseas threat, the less anyone hears about Enron and other government-for-auction sellout scandals? Does anyone doubt that? I would love it if someone could mail me and tell me "No, the White House doesn't take military actions as a smokescreen for corruption flack!".
Could it be that the process of assigning new powers to the federal government is sticky? Um, that came out wrong. What I meant was, sticky like once you turn over the power, it's hard to get it back.
Could it be that I'm secretly an Anti-Federalist? Not so secret, I guess, but didn't that party sort of fade away a century or two ago?
Could it be that this is the first step in some kind of totalitarian nightmare? Absolutely not. This is far from the first step.
SWEET GEORGIA BROWN!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
It was the night of the Leonid meteor showers -- the perfect opportunity to break out the evil opaline liquor, get madder than hatters, and test wireless ethernet hardware... Would the plunging meteorites interfere with the 2.4GHz band? What about our delicate brain waves? (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
40 Acres, a Mule, and a Crummy 90-Second Spot on Weekend Update
Consider the plight of the Black Man. The Black Man on "Saturday Night Live," I mean. Has there ever been a more pathetic thing than a token unredeemed for 28 years? Where is the NAACP when you really need them? (More...)
Naked Australian Redhead -- Missing!
She posed naked on the web, fought for pornography online, and even kept an online "Diary of a Virtual Girlfriend." But after earning a place in internet history, Bernadette Taylor vanished without a trace. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)