Build Date: Thu Aug 13 08:20:11 2026 UTC
No amount of lubricant can help bad cradit up the ass
-- h.r.taffs
Quit Washing NOW!!
2002-05-03 00:18:07
This is an urgent Pigdog advisory to all loyal viewers. Please quit bathing, now. Thank you.
For serious real, scientists in North Carolina have determined that showering is hazardous to your health, due to the chlorine that the gubmint insists on putting in your bathwater. It seems that simple skin contact with chlorinated water is enough to produce some, er, trihalomethanes or shit like that, but the point is it'll give you cancer.
This explains why toothless Appalachian hillbillies live to be a hundred and three, while their gone-wrong city-dwelling offspring in Raleigh are dead of colon cancer by age sixty-eight. It's the tribblethalomines is what it is.
Worse yet, it's been proven that the tristomethagorenes can cause miscarriages. Isn't it obvious what's going on here, folks?! The Feds are using the damn chemicals to conduct a mass experiment in genetic engineering! In places where people bathe a lot, like cities and stuff, the population is being carefully controlled through the use of chlorinated bathwater. Less densely populated areas don't need as much involuntary birth control.
Anyway, whether or not these tryinhalingmethanes have been deliberately inserted into our water supply or not, it's clear that as Bad People of the Future we've now been presented with a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Our forces could gain a clear numerical advantage over the enemy by exploiting this information over the long term. Within a couple of decades, we could begin reversing our odds against the Good People of the Present.
Quit showering and BREED, Pigdoggers!
As a precautionary measure, it's also probably best to quit drinking tap water, too. Who knows what kind of tripthelightfantasticorithenes the city water has been laced with. While you're at it, you'll probably want to finish that old bunker of yours, seeing as it can't be too long until the Federales develop an airborne strain. Just stay in the basement and boink your brains out. It's the only safe course of action.
T O P S T O R I E S
John Dvorak has passed. I’m of mixed emotions. First off I’m more positive about his contribution to the overall technology journalism of the early PC days through the 90s, despite how many things he got wrong. He was a firebrand and commanded attention. (More...)
America's National Recording Registry Inducts Culturally Significant Artist - Weezer!
America's Library of Congress calls them "defining sounds of history and culture" and "audio treasures worthy of preservation for all time based on their cultural, historical or aesthetic importance in the nation’s recorded sound heritage." Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Weezer! (More...)
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Cross Canadian Ragweed Red Dirt Roundup
Went to one of the only really enjoyable outdoor concerts I can remember (maybe I didn't enjoy it enough). The finest in dirty hillbilly music: The Cross Canadian Ragweed Red Dirt Roundup. For those ignorants, Cross Canadian Ragweed is a horrendous allergan in Texas, and it's also a band. In a great show of humility, CCR was the worst major act in their line up. Fortunately, they have talented friends. (More...)
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)
Absinthia: The Pigdog Interview
Absinthe is making a come back for the Millennium. Even English people are slurping it down in pubs, eschewing their normal, healthy stouts and ales. And why not? Hell, if the planet is going to explode anyway, why not ride the DEATH WAVE in, and celebrate Y2K with the most entertaining and vicious elixir you can find? Come! Explore the "Absinthe Underground" with El Snatcher, Mr. Bad, and Splicer, as they interview the notorious absinthe bootlegger, Absinthia. (More...)
All this talk about death, wakes and Moloch recently has, frankly, got me a little worried. What if I'm next to go? I could slip on a wet banana peel and slam my head against an enormous brass statue at almost any time. I'm not planning well enough for this sort of thing. Who will talk for me when this terrible day comes? (More...)
What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
