Build Date: Mon Oct 27 20:10:36 2025 UTC
Any magazine without double penetration is a waste of time.
-- Mr. Bad
Smile! You're on Fascist Camera
2000-11-03 12:16:39
Wow! I've been all around this great big world, and I've seen all kinds of girls. But that's neither here nor there. What's up with SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS, man?
So, there are like KAJILLIONS of cameras all over this country, all over every city. Go out to the street or to a square or park -- and look around. There's probably 2 or 3 on you right now. Up in the corners of buildings, on the edges of ATMs. In the little nook behind the bus driver's seat. All over the subway or MUNI station. In your work, at schools, in the mall. LOTS OF FUCKING CAMERAS.
Now, most of these are watched by bored and fat security guards, although I once played this pr0n CD-ROM game where there was this hot, sexy security guard who would use the surveillance cameras to watch folks get freaky. Like, if you picked the right scenes to make her excited, she would take off more of her clothes. Or something like that. But in general, it's bored and fat security guards, with like a microscopic smattering of horny porn stars.
The weird thing about the Web is that, with Web cams, we're becoming a NATION of bored, fat security guards, watching other bored fat security guards watch each other on the Web. It's creepy, man. Is this the fantasy future we wanted to make happen? What happened to the laser pistols and the big genetically-altered elephant cyber-beasts? What's with being the WALGREEN'S RENT-A-COP? I missed that issue of Amazing Tales, I guess.
Anyways, these folks in New York City decided that it's just a little weird to be on the OTHER side of the camera. Being watch, being photographed, being recorded. All the fucking time, like when you scratch your ass on the subway platform when you think nobody's looking. Because SOMEBODY'S LOOKING! So they decided that if they were going to be on TV all the time, they better start looking good.
And they founded the Surveillance Camera Players (note that it's not "security camera" -- I like that. Use your language well, folks). They do PLAYS in front of the cameras, like Pere Ubu and 1984. They do all kinds of crazy shit! It's great! They even do stuff for Web cams on Times Square and some shit.
OK, but, all well and good. Check out the SCP Web site, and if you live in New York City, go check out their walking tours, pointing out the security cams and possibly doing some FUN CRAZYNESS. Beaujolais to the SCP!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
Australian Troops Set for Days of Debauchery to the Tunes of Kylie Minogue
This weekend Australian troops in East Timor will be able to put their feet up and push all the images of mass graves and charred remains from their minds as they relax to the giddy melodies of Kylie Minogue - including exclusive unplugged performances in the militia-ravaged and blood-spattered border towns of Balibo and Suai. (More...)
