Build Date: Sat Mar 1 01:50:32 2025 UTC
I am allegedly drunk.
-- Tjames Madison
Lenny Tuberose
Evil clone mastermind Lenny Tuberose lurks like a toxic ice spider in his Arctic command center, Pigdog Ice Station Two. He spends most of his time brooding and violating Nature's laws, but he occasionally fires off communiques to his flannel-shirted Canadian lackeys, who smuggle them across the border in maple syrup trucks to various Pigdog Journal article drops in the Lower 48.
Pigdog Journal Articles
2017-12-24
A funny thing happened Pigdog Christmas Essay Contest. We got a second entry -- a raunchy, rowdy fable that seemed destined for glory, to RUN HARD and STEAL THE PRIZE, a strong contender to be this year's grand prize winner.
2017-12-24
It started 20 years ago -- and we're STILL HERE, dammit! So because Christmas is a TIME OF TRADITION, and to honor Pigdog.org's glorious resurrection, we announced the return of our most hallowed tradition: the Christmas Essay contest.
And now we're announcing the BIG 2017 WINNER!
2017-11-10
Shithole. If you cleaned it up some. Ness had been in worse though. He coughed—something cool and thick rose into the back of his mouth and he spat reflexively. A scurrilous wad of mucus tinged with blood landed heavily with a wet unsavory sonance to lie like a stillborn slug. The cough was accompanied by a searing pain in his chest, but the intimation of the mortality bearing down on him left no mark upon him. The viscid love letter from the cancer in his lungs quivered briefly and then was still. It seemed at home there among the refused and casually discarded constituency of debris. Shithole.
2006-09-06
Stupid fuck extraordinaire, Steve Irwin, has fucked with his last wild animal. An asshole even by Australian standards, Irwin fucked around with the wrong stingray and took a poisoned barb directly in the heart.
2004-02-04
Fox presents the ultimate, ultimate practical joke with their latest and greatest brainchild-- MY BIG FAT OBNOXIOUS PRESIDENT
2002-12-27
That's right! The moment we've ALL been waiting for ALL YEAR LONG since the beginning of this anus horribilis is FINALLY HERE! The ANNOUNCEMENT of the WINNING ESSAY in the FIFTH ANNUAL PIGDOG JOURNAL CHRISTMAS ESSAY CONTEST! Boojho! Huzzah!
2002-11-03
This cautionary tale of dyslexic satanists and Klingon-speaking demon-dweebs just might save your worthless, unpopular Goth ass. But you didn't listen to us when we told you to lose the black nailpolish, so why start now.
2001-12-28
Beaujolais! X-mas time for the whole family with the FIRST RUNNER-UP winning X-mas essay! It's a holiday extravaganza that's sure to make everyone warm in their cockles.
2000-12-24
Beaujolais! We have a winner! And none too soon -- the most magical day of the year is nigh upon us. Curl up to your iMac and read another touching Yuletide tale by none other than our Xmas essayist emeritus, LENNY TUBEROSE!
2000-04-21
The quest for knowledge never ends at the super top secret Spock Mountain Laboratory, although it is frequently interrupted by beverage breaks. Recently, a team of crack ethnomixologists returned from a dangerous expedition to the frozen expanse of Canada with the much sought recipe for a Spocktail that is destined to replace blunt force head trauma as the major cause of brain damage in the civilized world.
1999-12-25
The results are in! Pigdog Journal's expert array of AI software essay-judging programs have returned a result -- and what a result it is!
1999-07-12
Canuck UBERMENCH Lenny Tuberose will worm his way into your heart with this piece of crazy fiction... Bourbon, hillbillies, and Elvis. Read this instead of going to lunch.
1999-01-14
Lenny Tuberose, master of the macabre, spins a tale about the end of the world and other bad things.
1998-12-25
Lenny Tuberose, Grand Prize Winner of the Pigdog Journal Christmas Essay Contest, presents a heart-warming tale of what Christmas is all about: brutal assaults and substance abuse. Destined to be a Christmas classic!
1998-12-03
New fiction by the King of Explicit Evisceration Stories, Lenny Tuberose.
1998-12-03
New fiction by the King of Explicit Evisceration Stories, Lenny Tuberose.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life. (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
