Build Date: Thu Nov 21 09:10:30 2024 UTC
I discovered some time back that those bubble-wrap envelopes will hold liquor. Bitch to seal, though.
-- Crackmonkey
Special Ideas
Some ideas are good... some ideas are great... but these are Special Ideas.
Pigdog Journal Articles
2004-08-23
2003-07-29
Once upon a time I was in a Laundromat with nothing to read. The only literature on the public news rack was the Berkeley Psychic Reader. It featured an article about how bugs in western culture, with the exception of possibly butterflies and ladybugs, get an unfair evil rap, whereas bugs in eastern culture are revered as symbolic icons. The article suggested ways we can access the Grand Message of the Inner Bug God from each creepin’ critter that crawls into our sphere of reference.
2002-05-13
The French are known for having unique ideas about bathroom hygiene. They invented and still use bidets, now recognized by environmentalists as a superior, earth-friendly solution. Now the French toilet industry has leapfrogged its U.S. counterpart with an amazing toilet that cleans itself.
2002-05-11
So I was walking around the Tenderloin looking for stray twenty-dollar-bills that might have fallen into gutters, and I was thinking, as I often do, about my mother.
2001-08-25
Back in the glory days of Silicon Valley, you couldn't be a libertarian hacker without owning a pair of Chi-Pants. Unfortunately, Loma Prieta took out the business and we've all had to wear uncomfortable, restrictive pants since then. Until now!
2001-01-17
San Franciscan pedestrians are getting killed at a rate that's four times higher than the San Francisco murder rate. I've compiled a list of ideas for the San Francisco Board of Supervisors on how to solve this appalling problem.
2000-11-11
Yeah, that's a lame title, but everyone who writes a puff piece about earthquakes uses it, and as a Professional Journalist I feel obliged to submit to the tradition. (Just so you know, I will also use the word "temblor" later in this article). However, this puff piece is different -- it's not just about earthquakes as scary natural phenomenon, but earthquakes as a tool for VIOLENT SOCIAL CHANGE!
2000-10-20
This is a really good this piece by Scott Rosenberg over at Salon. He clearly identifies one of the major fundamental flaws in the premises that most e-Commerance sites are built on.
2000-09-14
These brave entrepreneurs have cornered an e-commerce market niche I never would have dreamed of.
2000-08-15
Thinking about moving to Silly-con valley in order to become an overnight millionaire? Think again.
2000-06-28
It's not every day you can buy a car with 18" McCulla retractable pneumatic saw blades, a U.S. Navy PX18 periscope, an Airtronics remote control homing pigeon, and pneumatic auto jacks for jumping. Then again, there's only one Mach 5!
2000-06-03
So, California is a BIG state. Like, a REALLY big state. There's just a lot of stuff here. A lot of people, a lot of land. And the folks in Jefferson want to take part of that away. Beaujolais for them!
2000-05-18
TeX formatted pigdog early release.
2000-04-04
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues!
2000-03-10
So, if you knew your language was becoming obsolete, what would you do? If you're the French government, you'd rage, rage against the dying of the light. Also, if you're the French government, can I borrow a few thousand bucks? American currency only. Thanks.
2000-02-21
Although my e-mail inbox is regularly filled with unsolicited messages selling APL Compilers, Dutch pastry recipes, and Czech get-rich-quick schemes, my postal mailbox is full of even more nefarious spam. Here's how I deal with it.
2000-02-14
A few thousand years ago in Rome, February 14th was a big carnal love fest where boys and girls would hook up for a year of orgys and parties at the vomitorium. Around the same time this guy Valentine was beaten with clubs and beheaded by Claudius II. The poor persecuted party-pooping Xtians decided to sabotage the chick-picking party and replace it with there own platonic holiday-- Valentine's.
2000-02-08
Gene Ray, Cubic, explains it all for you! You see, since there's four midpoints to the day (mid-day, mid-night, sun-up, and sun-down), there are actually four days happening at once. That's right, a simultaneous 4-day time cube! Obviously, this means that god is an evil invention, education induces stupidity, and self-god is lowest human behavior.
1999-12-15
So, if you haven't heard already, there's a big hullabaloo about online toy retailer Etoys.com. They are the undisputed Kings of SUCKASS! They took the crazy Krafwerkian eurotrash art group etoy.com to court for having a name SIMILAR to theirs. Let us punish them with ELECTRONIC FRONTIER JUSTICE!
1999-10-01
Crazy! Straight outta the pages of Herman Hesse's Magister Ludi come a whole shitload of Glass Bead Games! What's up with THAT?
1999-09-14
Pop quiz: You're at a party, and some hottie comes on to you. And you are in the mood to the horizontal bop as they are. But they look rather young, so you ask them how old the are. As it turns out, they're under the age of 18. What do you do?
1999-07-14
So, I first heard of this Arcosanti on "Real People" back in, like, 1978 or something. I think they sent that weird guy named "Skip" out to Arizona to harass these poor hippies who were building a new, ecologically sound and self-sustaining city. It came on right after the dog with three legs.
1999-06-18
Boy, you sure have to hand it to the Chinese when it comes to fun! China has taken our prophylactic technology and moved it one step further...
1999-06-11
"I was a Wobbly... back when it meant something." Man, Matewan is a kick-ass flick! But anyways, so are the Wobblies! AND they're still wobbling around!
1999-06-06
Girlfriend can't stand the pill and you hate wearing your "party" hat whenever you want some pussy. Well good news -- the Sponge is BACK.
1999-05-23
Patient Joab and his evil cohort, Patient Steve, develop a proposal for the plastic-v.-paper problem that EVERYONE can be happy with. An EXCLUSIVE from Spock Mountain Research Labs!
1998-11-20
Are you still using that watered-down pepper spray crap to defend yourself against buggering, mugging, and whatnot? That stuff is no good. What you need is to get you some bear repellent!!
Offsite links shared by staff writers
2005-02-17
Your kid might be a k1dd1e if...
2002-10-12
2002-07-20
2002-06-19
2002-05-20
Get feedback on your half-baked plan.
2002-05-07
Wanna play with my doll?
2002-04-02
2002-03-28
'Images of dangerous emanations and wounding of the body.'
2002-03-14
It may come as a surprise, but "there is no international body responsible for upholding simple standards of vexillilic aesthetics."
2002-01-29
Let's all go to hobbit camp!
2001-08-14
There are two things important to me in life: The d20 Open Gaming License, and Nature's Harmonious Time Cube.
2001-08-12
2001-06-16
2001-05-27
2001-01-03
New Hampshire legislator advocates killing corrupt rogue cops if they try to kill you. Everyone acts like there is something egregiously wrong with this. I dunno, it's kind of a head-scratcher.
2000-10-16
2000-10-16
2000-09-19
2000-07-07
2000-06-22
2000-04-10
1999-09-21
1999-07-07
1999-05-28
T O P S T O R I E S
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Still Up For the Party? America's Dance Floors Are Graying
Raving over 30 doesn't have to be embarassing anymore. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
Tastes like key lime pie, gets you hammered like nobody's business: Introducing the Key Lime Spocktail! (More...)
