Build Date: Thu Jan 30 23:40:16 2025 UTC
Quit quipping at me. You're just mad because I reduced you to gurgling epithets in the aliens debate.
-- Ratsnatcher
Y6B: Citizens of Earth: Reduce Birthrate or Face Certain DOOOOOOM!
1999-07-10 05:26:07
Everyone is getting fed up with the constant CHANTING about Y2K. Even Ed Yourdon, bigshot mainframe guy, and author of Timebomb 2000, who did A LOT to spread awareness (more like panic) about Y2K is backing off the subject, saying, hey, there's nothing more I can do. (I assume he's retreated into his multi-million dollar, plushed out bomb shelter purchased with the proceeds of his book.) So it's time for something ELSE to go CRAZY about. So how about "Y6B" (the year of 6 billion)?
Yes, it's true, some time soon, a baby will be born, and the world's population count will reach six BILLION people.
What are YOU doing about Y6B? are YOU ready for Y6B? What will happen when it's Y6B? Do you have your Y6B food supply prepared? What will you do when the hordes of starving, unprepared masses (er, babies) come after it? Will you REALLY be able to pull the trigger?! Actually, why the hell are you copulating all the time. Knock it off.
These are the questions...
Don't you see? There will be WAR for fresh water! People will eat all of the world's animals into extinction!!! BOOGA!!
This is really not a new bugaboo to worry about; overpopulation is bigtime old hat -- but why not give it a cool acronym: Y6B! Y6B! Y6B! That's exactly what the Scripps Howard New Service has decided to do. Check out this article in "The Conway, Arkansas Log Cabin Democrat."
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Innocent San Francisco Mule
Flesh and Abby have moved to an isolated rural location in the United States - equipped only with their sense of adventure. Recently they came down off the mountain briefly to file this report? (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
The Liquidation of Hobo Junction
Albany, CA's homeless hooverville by the Bay, "Hobo Junction," is going to be torn down by The Man. Entrances are already being blocked off, and it's now difficult and dangerous to get there. Worse, these obstacles are making it hard to get to the nearby HORSE TRACK on foot. Local historian, Pao Tzu, has an overview of situation. (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
