Build Date: Sun Oct 19 22:10:05 2025 UTC
I love pornography. One of my biggest fears in life is that I'm gonna die and my parents are going to clean out my apartment and find that porno wing I've been adding onto for years.
-- Bill Hicks
Better Make that a Double Spocktail...
1999-08-18 19:53:16
Sometime early this month an iceberg the size of our smallest state left Antarctica and headed north... which when you think about it is the only way it could go...
Anyway, B-10A (it's name and now you know that they name icebergs) is 48 miles long and 24 miles wide. There is probably enough fresh water in that sucker to irrigate half of Somalia for a decade or with the watering habits of my neighbor - his entire front and back yards for one week.
Scientist's have measured its peaks at nearly 100 meters above sea level and they believe that it draws over 300 meters in depth. For the time being it is the Big Man on Campus, the 800 pound Gorilla, the Head Honcho of the sea lanes and it is gonna float anywhere it damn well pleases.
This monsterburg has been a 100 thousand years in the making and is formed from water that fell eons before man invented the combustion engine so I think that it would make some mighty fine (tho' large) icecubes for our World Famous Spocktails... too bad it is so far away.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Johnny Royale loves his Trackman ultra pointer thingy. It's coolio! Read all about it! (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
There are two kinds of Assmen in this world. Wild, hairy assmen, who put stickers that say things like "Why Be Normal?" all over their trucks and drink Corona beer and wear fezzes at parties for attention; these are the Assman Desperados. Our job is to ferret them out and expose them. (More...)
Still Up For the Party? America's Dance Floors Are Graying
Raving over 30 doesn't have to be embarassing anymore. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
