Build Date: Mon Mar 10 03:20:39 2025 UTC
We 1) are loud, 2) break things, 3) set things on fire.
-- Mr. Bad
Linux, You Can Drive My Car
1999-03-10 15:45:00
So, I give German Linux advocates a lot of flak, since they are almost by definition the weirdest users of Linux ever. They do all the freaky Linux dances! But I gotta say that this research group at the University of Parma in Italy has them beat by a long shot. I mean, there's a world of difference between using Linux to play MP3s on your car stereo and USING LINUX TO DRIVE THE CAR.
They used all kinds of freaky vision and video recognition software to let Linux "see" the road and make decisions about where to drive. They even let Linux drive them all over Italy. Like, 2000 kilometers! Admittedly, that's only driving in metric so it doesn't count as much, but still, it's quite a feat!
Imagine the possibilities for this! I mean, I already tell Linux to go pick up my email and maintain my website and shit. Now I can SEND IT OUT TO THE STORE to buy me BEER and PORN. Or to go pick up my Mom at the airport while I stay home and play ZAngband! TOTALLY ROCKING. I can even tell it to go run over somebody I don't like! Ha ha!
Now, if they start adding machine guns and rocket launchers to the damn things, we could have the ultimate dream -- an ARMY of ROBOT ASSASSIN CARS to attack and destroy Microsoft! Think you could build an army of robot assassin cars with Windows 98? Think again, shit-for-brains! Their robot army will fall before Linux! Haw haw! Stupid Windows!
Anyways, go give these-a crazy Italianos some BIG PRAISE for furthering The Cause. And use their e-commerce page to buy a car for your Linux to drive! OK, they don't have a page like that yet, but maybe soon, eh?
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
40 Acres, a Mule, and a Crummy 90-Second Spot on Weekend Update
Consider the plight of the Black Man. The Black Man on "Saturday Night Live," I mean. Has there ever been a more pathetic thing than a token unredeemed for 28 years? Where is the NAACP when you really need them? (More...)
Suru and I were at the local supermarket recently when we found ourselves in the booze isle, surrounded by rum. Banana rum, coconut rum, vanilla rum, unfiltered run, Jamaican rum, rum, rum, and more rum. We bought one of each and started experimenting... (More...)
War on Terror produces excess inventory of doomsday ready laptops
The War on Terror has resulted in a rush of new technology useful to the general population. (More...)
It was the night of the Leonid meteor showers -- the perfect opportunity to break out the evil opaline liquor, get madder than hatters, and test wireless ethernet hardware... Would the plunging meteorites interfere with the 2.4GHz band? What about our delicate brain waves? (More...)
The days are getting longer and, as the man says, the nights are getting HOTTER! Lick your finger, touch your ass and go *Tschssh*, cause the damn SUN is out now! And of course that means it's time for a refreshing Spocktail that meets YOUR NEEDS for a delicious booze cooler at affordable prices. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
