Build Date: Thu Nov 21 11:50:15 2024 UTC
What is needed is not censorship, but rather increasingly educated senses of perspective and critical judgement.
-- rotten elf
Metallica To Fans- Fuck You!
2000-04-14 15:33:42
It should come as no surprise to anyone. But in case you haven't heard the news, former Heavy Metal ass-kickers and current sellout kings, Metallica is suing Napster.
Ever since their so-called Black Album, Metallica has been going down faster than a DC 10. Every year, they've found a brand new way to sell out, and losing more of their fan base that have been following them from the very beginning. With the release of their last literally music-made-for-elevators album, S&M, I knew I wasn't alone in proclaiming that Metallica was no longer a Heavy Metal band, but just another pile of rust to be tossed on the slagheap.
What I did not expect was their willing demonstration to show the world just how much more they were willing to sellout. They are trying to destroy the very tools that made them the Metal Gods they once were.
When Metallica first started out, Heavy Metal was dominated by spandex-sporting' lipstick-wearing, big haired girlyboy bands like Ratt, Cinderella, Poison, and so on. The only way that Metallica gained it's notoriety, was through fans trading tapes with each other. And while the band didn't make a cent, their reputation spread like wildfire. Now, decades later, Metallica wants to stomp the very tools out of existence that not only would keep better bands from being heard, but would give fans a chance to hear how bad they really are now, without having to plunk down an obscene amount of cash.
My prediction: Metallica will continue to operate under the illusion that their music kicks ass, and that no matter how corporate they get, true metal fans will still like them. They will tour with The Backstreet Boys, and sue and sue any fans caught singing their old material for "wanton vandalism of our artistic endeavors".
Don't think it won't happen? Just wait.
T O P S T O R I E S
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
The end of summer is near and sirens call of Black Rock City are beginning to summons Pigdoggers from all of the world to Burning Man. Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL), the world leader in beverage science and leisure technology will be at our second home for a week at 5:00 and Infant (how fitting) as we enjoy the liberated lifestyle of a temporary community 200 miles from nowhere... (More...)
On the Implementation of a Grocery Bag And Overforestation Initiative
Patient Joab and his evil cohort, Patient Steve, develop a proposal for the plastic-v.-paper problem that EVERYONE can be happy with. An EXCLUSIVE from Spock Mountain Research Labs! (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
