Build Date: Wed Jul 2 01:11:04 2025 UTC
Just be glad that someone is willing to pay for you to learn how to freeze heads.
-- Johnnie Royale
It's 4/20! Smoke Em if You Got Em!
2000-04-20 17:57:17
So, here's my big conspiracy theory that I just made up: why do so many baddy-bad things seem to keep happening on April 20th? Hmm? Why? The Waco fire, the Oklahoma City bombing, the little disturbance in Littleton -- what's the CONNECTION!?
I'll tell you what the connection is: the MAN is trying to keep us DOWN. All those horrible things are just a big distraction by the PHEDS to try and make people associate FIRE, MURDER, BLOOD and DESTRUCTION with the most wonderful of pothead celebrations, FOUR-TWENTY DAY.
4/20 (just like 4:20, get it?) is this kind of fabulous spontaneous holiday that serious pot smokers take real serious. It's not about self-righteous speeches and medical mari-joo-wanna and all that kind of boring stuff. It's about going to SAN FELIPE or PISMO BEACH with a bunch of other stoneheads in your VAN and taking MONSTER BONG HITS until your hands and feet fall off because you're just way too high. Now THAT is a holiday, my friends! No two ways about it!
OK, that conspiracy theory is pretty much not true. But it sounds good. Anyways, who wants to get all SADDY-SAD and retrospective and shit on 4/20 when you could go out and smoke some BIG GOBS of HASHISH with your friends instead!? What kind of choice is that? No choice at all, I say! Go smoke! Go! Go!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Liquor
Curled up cozy with a good book? All warm and snuggly and thinking about friends far away? So am I, reading the greatest story by the greatest writer -- when he suddenly starts waxing philosophical about liquor! (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
The Liquidation of Hobo Junction
Albany, CA's homeless hooverville by the Bay, "Hobo Junction," is going to be torn down by The Man. Entrances are already being blocked off, and it's now difficult and dangerous to get there. Worse, these obstacles are making it hard to get to the nearby HORSE TRACK on foot. Local historian, Pao Tzu, has an overview of situation. (More...)
Pigdog dispatched special correspondent Ratsnatcher for a holiday reconnaissance of America's frozen hell. After ten days of silence, our shortwave radio cackled with Ratsnatcher's static-filled transmission. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)