Build Date: Sat Feb 22 13:00:39 2025 UTC
There are physical limits to depravity.
-- Head Freezin' Gene
The Spockmopolitan
2000-07-03 00:12:45
This is one for the Ages. Our new signature SMRL drink. We beta tested this several weeks ago at the Goat Brothers B-Day Party. Oh my!
The people couldn't get enough... and no one remained sober. Only the high experience level of the crowd prevented a large scale riot as El Snatcher and Special Ed mixed batch after batch. It was a resounding success. But in spite of the rave reviews, the core SRML team knew they could do better. After all, we always strive for perfection when it comes to the science of Beverotology.
So we took the recipe back to the labs after the field test to see if we could improve it. And thanks to combined triple digit years of Beverotology experience from the crack Alpha Team, Spock Mountain Research Labs achieved a breakthrough of EPIC proportions. One that can be compared with Newton's discovery of gravity and Einstein's General Relativity... We were so taken aback by the findings that we celebrated for damn near a week.
And let me tell you... after a week of celebrations, the lab was a mess. I'm not sure how many extra banknotes Mr. Bad had to pay the janitorial staff to hose the place out, bury the bodies and then sandblast everything, but whatever the cost... we consider that the price of science.
So... (drum roll please)... Spock Mountain Research Labs is PROUD to announce the first breakthrough beverage of the new Millennium... we calls it the Spockmopolitan. We know you will call it divine.
Ingredients:
First, chill two martini glasses by filling them with ice and water. Then in a large shaker - fill it a third to a half full with ice. Add the vodka, cranberry juice and Cointreau. Squeeze in the juice of a whole lime. Add blue food coloring to achieve proper color. Shake vigorously. Empty ice water from the glasses and strain the mixture into the glasses. Garnish with lime.
Makes two servings.
Enjoy. We did, do and will, again and again.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
One of our star reporters was sent to Comdex by his employer. El Destino reports live from the biggest, geekiest trade show in the world. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
All this talk about death, wakes and Moloch recently has, frankly, got me a little worried. What if I'm next to go? I could slip on a wet banana peel and slam my head against an enormous brass statue at almost any time. I'm not planning well enough for this sort of thing. Who will talk for me when this terrible day comes? (More...)