Build Date: Thu Oct 23 18:40:16 2025 UTC
Oh crappity-crap. I spend all that time filling in all the questions, and now I guess they sent my report off to the fake email address I entered on the first page.
-- P A U L
The Vulcan Highlander
2000-05-06 17:02:14
We here at Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL - world leaders in beverage research and leisure technology) have been noting some complaints about a few of the last Spocktails recipes we’ve released to the general public. Some complaints received to barfback and pigdog-l have centered around the opinion that no one in their right minds would make the drink in question much less consume it.
These are outright lies, undoubtedly started by our competitors who have apparently gotten tired of having their butts kicked in beverage science and resorted to spreading vicious and untrue rumors about SRML. When we can prove it, we gonna sic our attack dog lawyers on their ass for slander.
We here at SMRL stand behind our work and our QA process and proudly brew, test and refine each recipe until it is prefect. We are professionals and we are proud of our profession and our work. And this is dangerous work. Hardly a month goes by where there isn’t some sort of incident in the labs... either equipment blowing up, or someone falling down for no apparent reason or someone rushing to the hospital to have their stomach pumped. Cutting edge research sometimes means someone bleeds.
We’ve also gotten some complaints that some of the recipes are too hard to make... especially by someone who has just recently fortified their resolve to try a new Spocktail by drinking a case of beer. That’s one of the problems of being professionals, I guess. We practice, practice, practice until we can make these cocktails in our sleep... so we tend to forget that our public doesn’t have our extensive background in beverotology.
So this week, we are making a simple cocktail, one that everyone can easily make and enjoy. We call it the Vulcan Highlander.
That was easy wasn’t it? Now, I know you’re probably worried about the cost - as Macallan tends to be a bit on the pricey side. Well, we’ve found that if you make an after hours visit to BevMo, or your favorite local liquor store, when no one is in the building, that the prices seem to be much more reasonable. We usually bring the truck and buy by the case on those trips.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
Another Spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL: Home of The Deathwave Bar & Grill! (More...)
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
Every Labor Day weekend a large portion of the PDJ staff joins 30,000 other freaks at one of the biggest and strangest art festivals in the world - Burning Man - somewhere on the edge of the Black Rock Desert. Our base of operations is always the ultra swank Spock Mountain Research Labs - the World Leaders in Beverage Science and Leisure Technology. This year, we hauled up our computers, printers and a massive digital duplicator, determined to become Black Rock City's third daily newspaper. Even Spock was surprised by our success - news will never be viewed the same on the playa. Read all seven issues of the 2002 Spock Science Monitor for yourself and see why. (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)