Build Date: Sat Feb 1 02:00:19 2025 UTC
Guinness at 6:30 AM! Delicious!
-- Ratsnatcher
Hey, check out my crotch!
2001-08-25 20:07:40
Back in the glory days of Silicon Valley, you couldn't be a libertarian hacker without owning a pair of Chi-Pants. Unfortunately, Loma Prieta took out the business and we've all had to wear uncomfortable, restrictive pants since then. Until now!
The 1989 earthquake caused too much damage to Chi-Pants' headquarters and production facilities, and the fledgeling business folded within a year. Many of you Johnny-Come- Latelies who came online for the fame and riches won't remember Chi-Pants. I, on the other hand, was dealing drugs by 1200 baud modem ten years before anyone ever used the word 'e-commerce.' In those days, Chi-Pants were a staple of what was then called "New Edge" which is just a nauseating way of saying "geeks with too much money."
Anyway, Chi-Pants are just pants, but they have a gusset instead of a cross-stitch. Look at your crotch. If what you see looks like the intersection of State and Main, then you don't have them. If what you see is a diamond-shaped panel that gives you a vast range of motion for all the kung-fu moves you don't know how to do, then congratulations! You're wearing Chi-Pants, or at least something similar.
Chi-Pants are back in business, with the backing of Men's Wearhouse. Who knows how long they'll be in business, because Men's Wearhouse is going to expect them to actually sell in order to keep backing Chi-Wear (the new incarnation includes more than just pants). And face it, today's computer geeks are generally a pretty pathetic bunch who wouldn't be caught dead wearing anything that didn't come from Banana Republic or some other Gap subsidiary. No longer do you have the sort of computer people who are willing to "think outside the box" enough to wear pants that feel good. No, today's computer professionals are sheep who don't even remember OS/2 and the Newton, and would never want to own an Edsel. Being smarter than your boss isn't cool anymore, so who will buy Chi-Pants?
Well, if you're one of the people who will, better buy them now and buy as many as you can, 'cause I'm betting that not enough people are smart enough to get it and buy 'em, and as sad as it makes me to say this, I bet this is a short window of opportunity to get some great pants before the visionaries who thought this up get shot in the back again. So put your orders in now while you can. Your crotch will thank you.
T O P S T O R I E S
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
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Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
Place the Lighter on the Ground and Let Us See Your Hands
So I have been thinking on this whole flag burning issue and all the things it could imply. Now a lot of people right now are saying that there are more important issues at stake and something so trivial is a waste of time. Believing such is really losing sight of some very key changes happening in our nation right now. Being a strict conservative, and currently serving in Iraq, I was surprised to find that I am actually appalled that the House approved a ban on flag burning. (More...)
