Build Date: Thu Jan 30 23:20:14 2025 UTC
Isn't it wonderful that, despite our differences, we're united in our mutual love of beer?
-- Mr. Bad
Big Stupid Numbers
1999-12-02 00:05:00
Apparently the latest justification coming down the pipe for the Duncecap Riverdance going on up in Seattle is that it "causes serious problems for the WTO," so therefore anything goes. Right. I bet the WTO is issuing collective heaving sobs right at this minute, tossing and turning in their hotel linens and unable to sleep a wink because all those northwest guttersnipe kids are being sooooo mean to them.
This "big numbers" equals "big results" concept is demonstrably flawed logic. In the early 90s I wandered around San Francisco's Civic Center on a day when half a million freaks (about half of them on stilts) showed up to protest the then-imminent ground attack phase of the Gulf War. Cars got tossed, several buildings were set on fire, kids were clubbed and maced on Market Street and dragged screaming, by the hair, into paddy wagons; meanwhile a block over, a lone cop was cornered and beaten to a pulp by a peaceful mob. I watched a 20-man riot squad in full regalia run straight at me, brandishing clubs, then straight past me to knock down suburban teens in from CoCo County. Then 30 or 40,000 or so people marched right up Market Street and tried to cross the Bay Bridge on foot. It took days to sort out the mess.
The war went on as scheduled.
The difference in 1990 being, of course, that those protesters by the bulk had some vague idea of what they were protesting against. It was that war thing. What's the big issue today with the WTO, Karnage Kiddies? Who the fuck knows, let alone cares, at this point? You might as well shout "No More Knees" at the WTO for all they can parse of it. Let's try to summarize some of the slogans spotted by CNN in the last 24 hours:
- "WTO Violates Women of Color"
- "Sweatshops are Slavery"
- "In Solidarity With the Zapatistas"
- "Wal-Mart Globalizes Poverty"
- "Free Mumia Now"
- "Off the Pigs"
- "Without Jesus, Sin is Heavy"
- "WTO Kills Butterflies"
Also, it's trees and shit, according to some college chicks who are interested in becoming Wiccan. Some blame Pearl Jam, while others point an accusatory finger at Jim "Ernest" Varney. Anything goes in Seattle.
Getting the message loud and clear, WTO?
We're Americans, and we're dumbshits. And we have signs that prove it.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Grow better illegal mushrooms than lousy "Psilocybe fanaticus"
Disclaimer: PaoTzu's a1 illegal mushroom cultivation cookbook is meant for educational purposes only. Be aware of the techniques used by hardcore criminals! Protect your children! Read, learn, educate. Do not try this at home. (More...)
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
Put the "Life" Back in SF "Nightlife"
The Man is putting the hurting on San Francisco clubs, but some people are fighting back. Beajolais! Flesh interviews Leslie Ayers of the San Francisco Late Night Coalition. (More...)
"Gee, I wish I was older."
"So do I." (More...)
All this talk about death, wakes and Moloch recently has, frankly, got me a little worried. What if I'm next to go? I could slip on a wet banana peel and slam my head against an enormous brass statue at almost any time. I'm not planning well enough for this sort of thing. Who will talk for me when this terrible day comes? (More...)