Build Date: Tue Oct 29 14:10:07 2024 UTC
Well, my dad grew up below the poverty line - so I got a lot of stories about walking to school in a blizzard, up hill; both ways - sounds pretty horrible... so I want to avoid having to live in a neighborhood like that.
-- Johnnie Royale
Write for The Pigdog Journal... or You Suck
1999-01-07 00:07:00
Everyone reveres the Mining Company -- the great internet start-up that bottled SlashDot's formula and sold it wholesale. But things are not always what they seem. New evidence suggests The Mining Company is an evil scam, like sixdegrees.com and the Free Masons.
The Mining Company posted an ad to the List Foundation offering to let aspiring writers "break into" web writing! "Unfortunately, we cannot pay for the articles," their ad explains, "but you will get a byline, bio, and (almost) total editorial control!"
What is this bullshit? You write their web content for free, and they give you....nothing?
Oh, I'm sorry -- you get a by-line and a bio, too. Whoopee! Don't spend it all in one place! Savor that warm glow from your by-line while you shiver unfed in a South of Market flophouse. And when you're out on the streets, be sure to say hi to the bums. They're probably writing for MiningCo.com too!
Attention aspiring writers: Why write for those pussies at MiningCo.com? If you're not going to make any money, you should at least be having some fun! Take your personal essays and your restaurant/club reviews and stick them up your ass. Then compose scatological rants, geeky satirical dialogues, and disturbing blurbs about weird news of the world -- and send them to Pigdog! Who knows? Maybe we'll proclaim you the winner in a yet-to-be-announced William Burroughs sound-alike contest. (Really! Send something that actually sounds like William Burroughs, and we'll proclaim you the winner!)
Unfortunately, WE can't pay for the articles EITHER! But you'll get a byline in pretty blue letters, linked to your name! And how cool is THAT?!
Out: MiningCo. In: Pigdog.
That is all.
T O P S T O R I E S
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
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'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
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In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
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Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
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Things to Say When You're Losing a Technical Argument
Mr. Bad and Crackmonkey collaborate on a fine Mr. Bad's List. We put together ALL the TECHNOLOGY you ever need to know in order to STUMP your OPPONENT in a technical argument. Use these only when your back is against the wall -- they're definitely desperation tactics. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Pigdog dispatched special correspondent Ratsnatcher for a holiday reconnaissance of America's frozen hell. After ten days of silence, our shortwave radio cackled with Ratsnatcher's static-filled transmission. (More...)
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life. (More...)