Build Date: Sat Feb 22 12:20:42 2025 UTC
Personally, I wouldn't fly all the way to Dimension Q to save Hawkman's useless ass, but that's just me.
-- Mr. Bad
Prescription tweeds cashed
2001-05-14 22:21:07
It is time to scrape your pipe for that resin glob, looks like Uncle Sam just fucked us over again.
Many of you are sitting out there with your 166 hydro plants sparked out with sun lamps, lighting up a fat one thinking "Ding? Ding? Uhh... oh shit, damn, microwave." Well, the time to slack is no more, millions of marijuana addicts are regulated to getting weed in dime bags from the local street gang again with the challenge to the 6 different medical marijuana suppliers in California backed by Monday's supreme court ruling.
For those of you not from California, the medical marijuana companies, I mean, "care providers" have recruited hundreds of local yokels in the Northern California area to grow mass pounds of weed in their backyards. These bushels of dank are shipped to the medical marijuana facilities some 90 to 300 miles in the North/South direction where it is properly manicured, packaged, and sold as the "Northern Ice," "Purple Crush," or "Big Blue Bubble Berry" variety of tweed cluster. Patrons of the various hooter hospitals, usually a normal looking club made from a transformed bar or pizza parlor, carry a range of ID cards allowing them to buy weed, smoke weed, and not have their weed confiscated by police.
The only court case in which proposition 215 weed was not returned to the owner had to do with a Garberville man who couldn't get his ounce back after being caught with it in a traffic stop. This was because the man was accused of transportation of drugs instead of simple possession. As well, cops refused to return the 84 plants they seized from his home, even though he kept all his medical papers in proper order. Cases like his have been central to heated debate about what constitutes compassionate use, what a legal prescription for marijuana is, and if US law supercedes California law in the matter.
Well, fuck this! People, don't let something we voted for as Californians get fucked up by the moral majority! Urge your AIDS patient friends not to chop their plants down prematurely because of this ruling. Demand that your local police follow the guidelines set down by proposition 215 and not today's ruling. Inform others about the beneficial effects of good weed and that really sick people need to get all goofy so they can sit down, eat, watch tv and keep living to see another day.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Absinthia: The Pigdog Interview
Absinthe is making a come back for the Millennium. Even English people are slurping it down in pubs, eschewing their normal, healthy stouts and ales. And why not? Hell, if the planet is going to explode anyway, why not ride the DEATH WAVE in, and celebrate Y2K with the most entertaining and vicious elixir you can find? Come! Explore the "Absinthe Underground" with El Snatcher, Mr. Bad, and Splicer, as they interview the notorious absinthe bootlegger, Absinthia. (More...)
The Innocent San Francisco Mule
Flesh and Abby have moved to an isolated rural location in the United States - equipped only with their sense of adventure. Recently they came down off the mountain briefly to file this report? (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
40 Acres, a Mule, and a Crummy 90-Second Spot on Weekend Update
Consider the plight of the Black Man. The Black Man on "Saturday Night Live," I mean. Has there ever been a more pathetic thing than a token unredeemed for 28 years? Where is the NAACP when you really need them? (More...)
It was the night of the Leonid meteor showers -- the perfect opportunity to break out the evil opaline liquor, get madder than hatters, and test wireless ethernet hardware... Would the plunging meteorites interfere with the 2.4GHz band? What about our delicate brain waves? (More...)
