Build Date: Fri Mar 14 06:50:22 2025 UTC
You'll never catch me wearing a shirt that says "COKE" or "NIKE" in 400pt point across my chest unless I am changing the oil in my car.
-- Johnnie Royale
NEERRRDDDDD!!!!
1999-10-05 22:00:45
Man, you know people who FETISHIZE stupid TV shows beyond the point of cute and clever into the realm of FEVERISH and UNHEALTHY!? You know people like that? I hate them, don't you? And yet, I have become one. Augh, the tragedy!
So, why is it that I love Futurama so much? I dunno. At my company we work with this sick metadatur standard called IMS (trust me, don't follow the link, it'll bore you to tears). One of the metadata fields we work with is called "Semantic Density." I don't know WHAT the fuck that means, but I just know that Futurama is chock full of semantic density.
Like, with most TV, you watch the first 3 minutes of a show (THAT YOU'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE) and you know exactly 100% of everything that has ever happened or ever could happen in the loathesome little universe it portrays. You just sit and scream at the TV, "NO! Your PARTNER is the killer, you DUMBASS! Look, he's STABBED YOU several times! How can you continue to doubt?!" TV is made for PAINFULLY STUPID people, just like public education.
On the other hand, Futurama and of course The Simpsons are accelerated beyond the ability of mere humans to understand. They may be the first machine-readable TV shows. Like, you just CAN'T get all the jokes the first time around. There are 8 jokes going on in every frame. It's IMPOSSIBLE. You can spend 12 days freeze-framing through one 22-minute episode, and STILL not get all the jokes. It's GREAT! It's videotaped RITALIN!
So, anywho, I dig Futurama. This following link is one of those obsessive Web sites where they OVERANALYZE every single one of those jokes to the point of unpleasant fascination. Enjoy it, and tell em Pigdog sent you.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
