Build Date: Thu Jan 30 05:40:35 2025 UTC
Well boys, I know where the edge is and you ain't on it... you retards you.
-- Johnnie Royale
Red Herring must DIE DIE DIE
1999-07-18 19:27:46
So anyone who works in the techno-techno industry knows that Red Herring is not just a magazine and not just a Web site. It's an evil MIND-SAPPING RADIO STATION that sends waves of STUPID into the BRAINSTEMS of MARKETING PEOPLE everywhere. They MUST BE STOPPED!
For those of you who are fortunate enough not to know, Red Herring is the technology magazine for dipshits with Stanford MBAs who don't know jack about technology. Its basic purpose is to whip these brain-damaged lapdogs into a blood frenzy about totally useless and essentially boring new tech -- e.g., portals, push technology, XML, or whatever. For some reason, the Dockers set just eats this shit up.
I dunno what it is about Red Herring. Most business magazines have techno-techno stuff just like this now, but Red Herring in particular just gets my goat for some reason. I think it might just be the widespread success of the virulent Red Herring meme. Of all the dog-whippers, Red Herring is the best.
Like, every time that I am in a meeting across the table from some stupid guy from Marketing who says, "Marketing thinks we should use PUSH TECHNOLOGY" or "Marketing believes that a LINUX DEPLOYMENT is important at this juncture," I hear "Our Red Herring overlords have decreed that XML is our new god. All hail XML!"
I think the NUMBER ONE THING that hackers and geeks could do right now to make our lives more pleasant is to buy Red Herring and drastically change its editorial policy. Like, start having stories about how good it is for ROI to let your staff play Starcraft on HEAT. Or about how the hot new market is in Open Source software, and how it's crucial that all engineers have properly dicked-with .emacs files.
I think we could have those greasy-haired Polo-wearing lapdogs eating out of our hands in no time.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
The Ancient and Correct Sake Ceremony
Many Americans have learned to appreciate the delicate, sophisticated flavors of Japanese food and drink, along with the beautifully refined rituals of Japanese dining. San Francisco, as a gateway between East and West, has especially benefited from the flowering of Eastern consciousness in America. It is hardly possible to walk down the street without stepping on somebody's sushi. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
You need to make a fruity tropical drink and you have no recipe? Here's a mix recently tested by Pigdog's crack bevertology team that's made with ingredients available from most any grocery store. It tastes sweet, fruity, and is perfect for guzzling on the last hot days of summer. (More...)
