Build Date: Tue Dec 3 17:10:17 2024 UTC
I only need 4GB to list all of my faults. Tho' I have to use tiny fonts to fit it all in.
-- Johnnie Royale
Night of the Living Dead OS
2000-06-22 14:13:16
Won't the Ameager ever DIE???
They're at it again. I don't know why or how, but some crazy Germans and Washingtonians are pushing the Amiga at us again.
With the first press release "Amiga's relationship with Corel a RAGING SUCCESS" dated April 1, 2000, I figured that this had to be some sick pervert's April Fool joke. But no, this seems to be an ACTUAL COMPANY running like a forty-five year-old with a potbelly trying to score touchdowns in the Super Bowl to reclaim his delusions of High School glory.
From the day that Amiga reneged on their contract with Atari and sold their system to Commodore (nice to get paid twice for one job, huh?), the Amiga has been the evil interloper designed to make us thankful we were using a mainstream OS, and to remind us what not to do when using an "alternative" OS. Thankfully, the word "Amiga" has become synonymous with "loser that's been left in the past but still thinks its better than everything else." So you hear the inevitable comparisons between the Amiga and OS/2, or the Amiga and Betamax (interestingly, you can substitute "Betamax" for "Amiga" in any conversation and not notice the difference, as in "d00d, xxxxxx just was too good for commercial success. People didn't need that kind of professional quality. Look, TV stations still use xxxxxx!". See? I rest my case).
Now the Ameager even has Javur and runs on the PowerPC chip. WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END?
T O P S T O R I E S
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
A Treatise Prepared for the Gallup Organization on the Symbolism of the Scarab
Well dahlings, the response to my new tarot column has been quite overwhelming. I got three whole pieces of mail requesting my arcane insight. One asked why blogs suck so much, and one was a completely incomprehensible tale of bears shitting random numbers in the woods — I am fairly certain it was a cryptographic allegory. Howsomever, only ONE of the inquiries was accompanied by a crisp ten-dollar bill, and so it's the Gallup Organization that will this week reap the benefit of my wicked pack of cards. (More...)
On the Implementation of a Grocery Bag And Overforestation Initiative
Patient Joab and his evil cohort, Patient Steve, develop a proposal for the plastic-v.-paper problem that EVERYONE can be happy with. An EXCLUSIVE from Spock Mountain Research Labs! (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Datelined "Historic Mariposa," the fateful press release came in like an angry wind, announcing the release of a self-produced album, "Ordinary Hero," by occasional Pigdog contributor Thom Stark, in the language and tone of a Major Event, setting off a brief firestorm around the pigdog mailing list. (More...)
First in a regular series! The Pigdog Journal Spocktail of the Week features recipes for EXCITING and DELICIOUS potions and tonics for your quaffing pleasure! Gulp down a whole lot TODAY! (More...)
