Build Date: Thu Nov 21 11:50:14 2024 UTC
When I saw George Perry over there drinking sake and playing Connect Four, I thought "Now THERE'S a man who uses a non-standard video driver!"
-- Binky
Creationism Road Kill Fever!
1999-10-21 18:16:24
Hello, my name is Negative Nancy and I have a problem. I can't stop. I can't look away. It's starting to interfere with my work, my love life, my family. It's tearing me away from the people and the things I love. I read wacko religious propaganda on the internet.
I usually download it late a night when ever one else has gone to sleep. I live in fear that some day, someone will find me out. I would loose eveything-- the children, my job, the house, the dog. But I can't stop. I know I'm not along. I heard somewhere that there are hundreds, maybe even thousands of wacko right-wing extremist sites out there. They say that some of them we around even before the Internet, but that the web has allowed them to reach people the never would have with pamphlets or newsletters. People like me.
I started out with the little stuff. Sites like the Catholic family movie reviews that criticize stuff like "Dough's First Movie" for showing cartoon children in their underwear. From there I found links to sites like the anti-catholic bias watchdog.
From there is was easy to start reading harder stuff like Rapture Ready, which kindly includes pages to be read by those who are left behind after the Rapture of Christ, as well as a weekly "Rapture Index," so you can stay on top of events during the End Days.
But now it's getting out of hand. I really feel like I've lost all control. I try and get my "fix" just by reading some anti-gay screeds and maybe a few Armageddon senerios. But that doesn't seem to be enough to satisfy me. I need more. I need Creationist Pseudo Science! I need fossil bones planted by Satan! I need a 6,000 year old planet! I need Suns created in a day!
But deep down I know, what I really need is help.
help me. please.
T O P S T O R I E S
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
The end of summer is near and sirens call of Black Rock City are beginning to summons Pigdoggers from all of the world to Burning Man. Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL), the world leader in beverage science and leisure technology will be at our second home for a week at 5:00 and Infant (how fitting) as we enjoy the liberated lifestyle of a temporary community 200 miles from nowhere... (More...)
On the Implementation of a Grocery Bag And Overforestation Initiative
Patient Joab and his evil cohort, Patient Steve, develop a proposal for the plastic-v.-paper problem that EVERYONE can be happy with. An EXCLUSIVE from Spock Mountain Research Labs! (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)