Build Date: Thu Dec 26 15:50:15 2024 UTC
I NEED TO CALM DOWN NOW, AND TO MAKE A PLAN. YES. I NEED TO SIT DOWN, AND TO MAKE A PLAN. NOW.
-- Head Freezin' Gene
Webzine99 going on NOW!
1999-07-24 12:25:57
Hey, check out the crazy action at Webzine99! Home away from home for Pigdog Journal and dozens of other Webzines for one day only!
Well, sure, I've been hyping this crazy Webzine99 thinger for a few weeks now. I think it's the cat's meow. And right NOW we are at the Webzine99 ground zero of fun! Can you believe it?
OK, well, actually that's a lie. I'm actually sitting at my computer at home, getting READY to go to Webzine99. I should have got ready last night, but instead I went to Albany and got REAL DRUNK on call cocktails at Club Mallard with Zacho, Special Ed, and Wendy. I was supposed to be working on stuff for Webzine99 with Splicer, but instead I was drinking delicious martinis with Bombay Sapphire! Beaujolais!
As a brief aside, I highly recommend getting the Bombay Sapphire if you're feeling all fancy and want to start getting call drinks. See, if you call vodka, like say Ketel One, they don't pour you a whole lot of it because they gotta save some for all the other fancy people who call Ketel One. So they just give you a little blip of vodka: BLIP. But if you call GIN, you'll get LOTS of gin, because NOBODY LIKES GIN. So they don't care about conserving the gin, and, hell, they kinda want to get it out from behind the bar because it smells terrible, so they just go BLOOP BLOOP BLOOP dumping gin in your martini glass! Splashing it everywhere, even dumping it erotically on the scantily dressed cocktail waitresses! They are generous to a fault with GIN! So get that!
So anyways, I got real drunk on gin and then went over to Powerful P A U L's house at like 1AM. P A U L has a life-size cutout of Spock that we NEEDED for the Webzine99 thing, so we went and liberated Spock. P A U L was still up, because he was moving to his new house and shit, so we came in. The GREAT part was that he and his bad wife Distressa have a huge liquor cabinet that they didn't want to pack for their move. So we mixed lots of Drambuie with pickle juice from the nearly empty fridge, and drank that, and got really bad drunk, and I didn't get home till 4AM, and that's why I'm late for Webzine99. DAMN!
Anywho, we're gonna have a big TABLE at Webzine99, with Pigdog Journal all set up so you can read it there, and fliers and stickers and crazy Pigdoggers that you can get your picture taken with. It'll be real fun. There's also gonna be a live simulcast of these crazy TechnoState people, who are going to be pounding out big techno for your viewing pleasure. And the WryBread cam, which is like the link at the bottom here.
So, if you are a Pigdog fan, come show us your love at the Webzine99. It will be the fun stuff! Or look at the cam if you can't make it! Like I care!
T O P S T O R I E S
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
For all you Sensitive New Age Guys (SNAG) out there who complain about not getting laid, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: Women only like to have sex with jerks. (More...)
It's not like I have a heroin problem, see. I'm just a self-indulgent brat who likes to live beyond her means. When I zip down to my corner Money Mart for a little cash-till-payday loan, I'm really not planning to spend it on drugs. I'll spend it on sushi. Seventy bucks of interest for a two-week $400 loan is perfectly reasonable, if you really need that hamachi. (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
Every Labor Day weekend a large portion of the PDJ staff joins 30,000 other freaks at one of the biggest and strangest art festivals in the world - Burning Man - somewhere on the edge of the Black Rock Desert. Our base of operations is always the ultra swank Spock Mountain Research Labs - the World Leaders in Beverage Science and Leisure Technology. This year, we hauled up our computers, printers and a massive digital duplicator, determined to become Black Rock City's third daily newspaper. Even Spock was surprised by our success - news will never be viewed the same on the playa. Read all seven issues of the 2002 Spock Science Monitor for yourself and see why. (More...)
The end of summer is near and sirens call of Black Rock City are beginning to summons Pigdoggers from all of the world to Burning Man. Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL), the world leader in beverage science and leisure technology will be at our second home for a week at 5:00 and Infant (how fitting) as we enjoy the liberated lifestyle of a temporary community 200 miles from nowhere... (More...)