Build Date: Wed Mar 12 20:50:07 2025 UTC
if there's a blind monk somewhere going around saying he was ordered to teach Pol Pot's concubine how to love, i know him.
-- rotten elf
Touch-Tone Hillbilly Terrorism
1999-08-10 19:33:45
Check out these FREAKS who call people up on the phone and pretend to be RETARDED HILLBILLIES (Why didn't I think of that??). My sides hurt from laughing so hard. These are some bad, bad people.
It's so bizarre. After "Jim Bob" calls up and pesters people for awhile, this other guy, "Junkyard Willie" gets on and yells at them in this Fat Albert voice. These people are GENIUS prank phone callers...
I usually don't go in for this crank phone call stuff, but these guys appeal to my sick sense of humor.
The best one is where "Jim Bob" calls a 976 phone sex line, because the phone sex lady doesn't seem fazed at all (imagine what some of her real customers must be like...), or maybe the best ones are where he calls people up pretending to take a "water survey," I dunno. It's amazing how mad people get a dumb hillbillies.
It's also amazing what kind of shit you find on the Internet when you put "+hillbilly +wav" in a search engine.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Another Spocktail brought to you by the selfless beveratologists of Spock Mountain Research Labs. You do the math, we'll do the SCIENCE! (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
So I was walking around the Tenderloin looking for stray twenty-dollar-bills that might have fallen into gutters, and I was thinking, as I often do, about my mother. (More...)
