Build Date: Sun Aug 16 02:20:08 2026 UTC
If your 87 year old Aunt Edna all of a sudden started handing out fresh tabs of acid, would you complain about how embarrasing and un-hip Edna is with her rocking chair and Alzheimers n' all, or would you just shut up and enjoy this unexpected bounty...
-- Patient Joab
Big Fat Man Falls Out of Roller Coaster
1999-06-09 13:49:56
Although this story is a few weeks old, it was ignored completely by the mainstream media. Why is the media turning a blind eye to the dangers faced by big fat men on roller coasters?
This big fat man, Michael Dwaileeae, 37, of Orleans, NY, was riding the new "Superman: Ride of Steel" roller coaster at the Six Flags Darien Lake amusement park in Darien Center, NY, when he was buffeted by powerful vertical G-forces and propelled into the air on the last bunny hop leading to the station. Eyewitnesses say the big fat man fell some 15 feet through the air and landed on the ground below the coaster, where he was attended to by paramedics, who rushed him to a nearby hospital.
Incredibly, even though this new-style "hypercoaster" is capable of reaching speeds of more than 70 mph and has an ultimate height of more than 200 feet, the big fat man, Dwaileeae, received only minor injuries.
Park officials immediately closed the ride and began work on installing new lap bars to prevent the danger to future big fat riders of "Superman: Ride of Steel." The ride recently reopened, and has so far had no additional problems with big fat people falling out of it.
T O P S T O R I E S
John Dvorak has passed. I’m of mixed emotions. First off I’m more positive about his contribution to the overall technology journalism of the early PC days through the 90s, despite how many things he got wrong. He was a firebrand and commanded attention. (More...)
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California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
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Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
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Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
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What the hell is going on with Sony?
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This was an old standby back in my poor college days. Back then the goal was to get butt fucking wasted for as little money as possible. The problem was we hated dirt cheap beer - and some weekends, even Henry's was far more lucre then we could scratch together. So we invented Red. (More...)
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
