Build Date: Wed Apr 2 02:10:23 2025 UTC
The 9/16 wrench: simple in form, near universal in function, and missingfrom every goddamn toolbox I've ever owned, borrowed or stolen.
-- gomonk
"Come on Down. No wait -- don't! Ayeeeee!!!!!"
2002-01-18 14:24:52
An angry mob of 10,000 converged on a Las Vegas casino. And then things got ugly.
"There was a bazillion people down there all screaming and yelling," remembers reservations clerk Flo. At least one woman was hospitalized with a head injury in the ensuing chaos. Their demands?
They wanted to see Bob Barker.
But there were no tickets. Organizers told the mob that, in essence, "We lied; we gave them all away at 5:30 this morning." And then the crowd turned hostile.
A cop with a bullhorn attempted to disperse the angry throng. Voice cackling over the speaker, he shouted that there were no tickets to The Price is Right. What did he say that inflamed the crowd? One can only imagine. "Bob Barker doesn't love you! Go home, losers! You win nothing! Bzzzzzzzztt! Ah ha ha ha ha!"
And thus, taping for the 30th anniversary special made history -- as the first CBS prime time broadcast to provoke civil unrest. Insert an obvious joke here about how when anticipating crowds, the game show's planners should've guessed HIGHER!, not LOWER!.
Reservations clerk Flo reminds us that ventriloquist Ron Lucas is appearing daily in the hotel showroom.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
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Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
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Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Liquor
Curled up cozy with a good book? All warm and snuggly and thinking about friends far away? So am I, reading the greatest story by the greatest writer -- when he suddenly starts waxing philosophical about liquor! (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
For all you Sensitive New Age Guys (SNAG) out there who complain about not getting laid, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: Women only like to have sex with jerks. (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
