Build Date: Mon Mar 10 08:40:09 2025 UTC
Any magazine without double penetration is a waste of time.
-- Mr. Bad
Fight the Dominant Species!
2000-02-26 10:44:07
Are you aware that there is another form of life on this planet that's more powerful than humanity and which is looking to enslave us? They walk in our midst without our knowledge and they corrupt our minds with our permission! This next step in human evolution already controls most of the governments of the world and has been instrumental in overthrowing the governments that have resisted their influence. You have a chance to open your eyes to the coming invasion of... homo corporatem!
Negative Nancy was spot-on in her recent article, MPAA Ain't the Only Bad Business... with the exception of a little detaila semantic problem, really. The MPAA isn't a business. It's a cooperative of several businesses.
In fact, I don't even think that businesses per se are the problem. Whenever I start down that road I start to feel bad about the corner bookstore and the neighborhood coffeeshop. These are undoubtedly businesses, and a veritable staple of the remaining good in the world. So what is really the problem?
The problem is the giants in our midst. They are our masters and our benefactors. They tell us what to think and how to feel. They are corporations.
A radical American politician who was assassinated for his beliefs once said,
I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country.... corporations have been enthroned and an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until all wealth is aggregated in a few hands and the Republic is destroyed.
That politician was Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln's worst nightmare pales before the situation we see today.
So the question comes up: are corporations alive? Are they in fact a new race in the history of evolution on Earth?
Is it in fact enough to protest only the "bad" corporations? Is there anything that we can do to exterminate this scourge? Can we eliminate the set of laws that makes it possible for thousands of people to act in unison without any responsibility to the societies they live in? If so, would the Gap naturally revert to just being a business rather than a soul-stealing monster?
Are these things possible?
There is a conference being held March 3rd through March 20th, 2000 to address the issue: Are Corporations Really Alive (Are They Our Dominant Species). This Conference is being held online, and contributions can be made by fax, email, or on the conference website.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
It's winter in Idaho, and Boise personality "Lego-Man" reports on how he celebrated Thanksgiving. "I fed my wife, mother and sister wine slurpies!" (More...)
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)