Build Date: Wed Feb 5 06:40:25 2025 UTC
I've been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plow through this shit one more time.
-- Bill Hicks
Dixie Chicks No Rebels
2003-03-19 12:02:03
Whatever happened to Grrrrrl Power? Did I fall asleep one night and wake up to tractable Southern women in their pre-Civil War form? Back in the social corsets of submission, seen and not really heard? Dangling before us like sugarplums, delicious and ripe, but lacking any real substance? Thanks to the Dixie Chicks, all these questions have been answered in a most ominous fashion.
Natalie Maines took a bold step last week in London, telling an audience there that she was ashamed to have President Bush as a fellow Texas native. My God, for a minute feminism took a quantum leap across the Mason Dixon line and around the world in the space of a light pulse! Grrrrl Power sprang from the menu as a jambalaya special would from listings of fried chicken and skirt steak. But like any menu options, it's ultimately up to the diners as to what sells. And so the revolution never got past the chopping block.
Within days, the Chicks were back in the coop, clucking away under the foot of their Man. That would be the infamous Money Man-the one who giveth sold out shows or taketh away hillside mansions. Maines couldn't apologize fast enough. Suddenly she had the utmost respect for Mr. President, as she would for any American President. She'd seen the light. She'd come around. Just like a good little girl should. No fight, no bite, no nothing.
Dissent is becoming increasingly un-American and Maine's quick heeling demonstrates this quite clearly. Once upon a time, transcendent musicians were considered part of the greater social conscience. Durable spines reinforced with spiritual and intellectual framework built pious cathedrals no sane person dared to assault. Record companies and radio stations, less incestuous than they are now, promoted this assembly, too, perhaps because a few liberals still held influential positions amid entertainment airwaves. But the worm turned on all that when the Towers fell. Days after, radio, television, and music executives offered their loyal support to the New American Cause. We've been living the brunt since.
About a decade ago, when MTV still mattered, dino-rockers Aerosmith did a political ad for Rock the Vote wherein Steven Tyler appealed to Nirvana's disenfranchised by encouraging them to support their "right to enjoy cruel and unusual punishment." Now the Real World has-been refuses to allow anti-war ads featuring teens who argue against the conflict. We get plenty of establishment blather like "Fraternity Life" and "Sorority Life," demonstrating how co-opted Beavis and Butthead's former network has become. An MTV that bucks the system is a wholly-owned corporate subsidiary that isn't with the program, and which threatens the mass market stability of its conglomerate parent.
Similarly, the History channel has also been lost. Rather than attempting even a modicum of balance, the network has utterly capitulated to the "war is noble" theme. On any weekday or night, a viewer may be subjected to such crucial historic moments as the development of machine guns or D-Day logistics. Nowhere are any documentaries about Ghandi, the late sixties American anti-war movement, or profiles in courage that don't involve men and their guns. Intellectuals and artists have vanished from history, leaving only soldiers and self-righteous bureaucrats as our architects and developers.
Into this perverse swill of degenerate nationalism dove li'l Ms. Natalie, showing the kind of spirit that Euros find lacking in most Americans. Maines said what a whole lot of us thought, and we're not even from Texas. Bush is an embarrassment to all Americans, but double trouble for the handful of intelligent beings from the Lone Star State. She'd had it up to her ten-gallon brim and a girl said what a girl had to say. Too bad she had her own words for breakfast later the same week.
What's really sickening about this is Maines' complete lack of integrity. Taking a stand means taking the heat that goes along with it, and giving that heat back when necessary. Rather than up the ante for newly budding feminists, the Dixie Chicks left the little girls holding a bluff. In hindsight, the whole thing looks like nothing more than a callous marketing move that went too far. Maines wasn't really criticizing the President. She was only fishing for more European record sales. That certainly would explain why she folded so fast at home, issuing that pathetic apology hand-crafted by Ari Fleisher himself. The girls will sing whatever song Big Daddy puts in their jukebox.
Far from resurrecting the Confederacy through free thinking and expression, the Chickies instead proved that the next revolution in honesty will not come from the South. Or country music, either. Between this and Toby Kieth's lame-brained "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue," Nashville's really just singing the same old song about authority and its misuse. A new breed of Southern Gal could have made history by turning to her redneck detractors and saying, "Fuck you. In America, we can disagree. Don't want my albums? Fine with me." Not this time. Thanks to this stunning example of market-driven compliance and conformity, another shot at intelligent recovery from rampant paranoia got a big ol' glob of chaw spat in its eye.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Datelined "Historic Mariposa," the fateful press release came in like an angry wind, announcing the release of a self-produced album, "Ordinary Hero," by occasional Pigdog contributor Thom Stark, in the language and tone of a Major Event, setting off a brief firestorm around the pigdog mailing list. (More...)
It's that time of year again -- Burning Man Season -- and that means fresh SCIENCE! Here is a new lab experiment for the fruity hillbilly in all of us. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)