World's Only Jake Busey Fan Site
1998-11-17 02:24:00
I dunno. I just really don't know. It seems to me that with all the resources we've got on this big ol' World Wide Web, all the talent and creativity we have at our disposal, that someone, somewhere, could make a Jake Busey Fan Page that's worth a goddamn. But I guess that's not the case.
There's a link at the bottom of this page, and you can see Trav's home page, The World's Only Jake Busey Fan Site. Now, Trav's got a lot of enthusiasm, but he doesn't have a lot worth saying. And that's a crying shame.
I for one think this is a sad state of affairs. I mean, there's gotta be about 7 million Leonardo DiCaprio fan sites out there, and not a Jake Busey fan site worth crap.
OK, I've got an idea. Here's what you can do to help. We need to start a letter-writing campaign. I have compiled a list of the email addresses of a whole bunch of people who have Leonardo DiCaprio fan sites. Everyone who reads this needs to send them email to the effect of:
"Dear Webmaster: Did you know that while there are several thousand Leonardo DiCaprio fan sites, there aren't any Jake Busey fan sites worth a goddamn? Doesn't that kind of bother you? Maybe you should take some of your enthusiasm for Leonardo DiCaprio and make a Jake Busey fan site instead. Leonardo DiCaprio is great and all, but it's just a crying shame there's not a Jake Busey site out there. Signed, A Concerned Citizen."
Hell, you could even cut and paste that text. Go ahead. What the hell.
OK, here's some addresses:
illicitly_leo@hotmail.com (Illicitly DiCaprio Page)
[censored] (www.dicaprio.com)
editor@cricketmedia.com (Totally DiCapitated LITERARY MAGAZINE)
so_charming@hotmail.com (Leo King of My Heart Page)
NaomiG_98@yahoo.com (Leo's Loft)
pene@tig.com.au (The Leo Files)
rosiedog@geocities.com (Abbi and Sarah's Leonardo DiCaprio Page)
rsalkow@execpc.com (Katie's DiCaprio Fan Page)
the_leo_lair@hotmail.com (The Leo Lair)
janine@earthling.net (Leonardo DiCaprio World)
cappucino2525@hotmail.com (My Dear Mr. DiCaprio I Presume...)
favorite82@geocities.com (My Favorite Hunk)
If we all do it, at least one or two of these people is gonna switch. I'm telling you, it's gonna happen. You have to believe.
Anyways, send your letters, and check out Trav's page, too. Give him props because at least he's out there keepin' it real.
T O P S T O R I E S
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
It's not like I have a heroin problem, see. I'm just a self-indulgent brat who likes to live beyond her means. When I zip down to my corner Money Mart for a little cash-till-payday loan, I'm really not planning to spend it on drugs. I'll spend it on sushi. Seventy bucks of interest for a two-week $400 loan is perfectly reasonable, if you really need that hamachi. (More...)
A Treatise Prepared for the Gallup Organization on the Symbolism of the Scarab
Well dahlings, the response to my new tarot column has been quite overwhelming. I got three whole pieces of mail requesting my arcane insight. One asked why blogs suck so much, and one was a completely incomprehensible tale of bears shitting random numbers in the woods — I am fairly certain it was a cryptographic allegory. Howsomever, only ONE of the inquiries was accompanied by a crisp ten-dollar bill, and so it's the Gallup Organization that will this week reap the benefit of my wicked pack of cards. (More...)
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
Juggler Vain attempts to wrestle with the issues around the KPFA shutdown; Big-time wrestling ensues. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)