Build Date: Thu Nov 21 10:10:16 2024 UTC
Strapping a corpse onto a motorcycle is real gross, even if it is the decaying corpse of your father.
-- Ratsnatcher
The Ancient and Correct Sake Ceremony
2002-04-22 11:18:48
Many Americans have learned to appreciate the delicate, sophisticated flavors of Japanese food and drink, along with the beautifully refined rituals of Japanese dining. San Francisco, as a gateway between East and West, has especially benefited from the flowering of Eastern consciousness in America. It is hardly possible to walk down the street without stepping on somebody's sushi.
Unfortunately, the American passion for experimentation has led to some bastardized and misbegotten concoctions. Sake cocktails, for instance, are nothing but an insult to our ancestors. Sake martinis. Sake cosmopolitans. Bah!
It is therefore in an effort to educate my ill-bred countrymen that I will now explain the ancient and correct sake ceremony, as it was taught to me by my wise old sensei Splinter.
Firstly, it is important to understand that the sake ceremony stems from a Shinto reverence for nature and belief in the harmony of all beings. Therefore, every aspect of the sake drinking experience — from the room in which the ceremony is held to the implements which are used to serve the drink — should be accorded equal care and attention. It is customary for the host to choose a single wall adornment, called a kakemono, which depicts some spiritual theme upon which guests may meditate as they enjoy their sake. The room is otherwise simple and plain. (Americans may find an appropriate kakemono in the pages of Hustler or Heavy Metal magazine.) Depending on the season, sandalwood incense may be burned.
Upon arriving, the guests should greet the host, and then admire the kakemono before seating themselves in order of seniority. If the ceremony is held during the day, the host will open the ceremony by ringing a bell five or seven times. In the evening, a gong will be sounded instead. It is also common to substitute an appropriate selection from Motley Crüe.
For the ceremony I am about to describe, nigori (unfiltered) sake should be served. The sake cups should be served to each guest on a plain cedar tray, along with a covered laquer bowl containing the marinade of kosher dill pickle spears (the kosuimono) and a shallow ceramic dish holding strips of beef jerky (the yakimono). The jerky is dipped into the pickle marinade and consumed in small bites, between sips of sake. At the end of the meal, the dregs of the pickle juice should be blended with the remainder of the sake, using a fluid pouring motion and a gentle swirl.
When each guest has consumed roughly half their sake, clove cigarettes will be passed around the circle. The senior guest, upon receiving his cigarette, should raise it and rotate it in the hand, admiring the craftsmanship and the tint of the paper. He will then light up. When he is done savoring the taste, the other guests may smoke.
The ceremony is concluded with the passing of moist towelettes (teaburi) and an offer of fellatio or cunnilingus from the host.
T O P S T O R I E S
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)