Build Date: Thu Jan 30 05:20:31 2025 UTC
As far as I can tell, my salary is for useful programming, and the options are for total lines of code. Which given the current stock price, seems fair and just for everyone.
-- Joe
I Use A Word That Don't Mean Nothing, Like "Loopid"
2000-03-31 15:44:29
Hey hey hey! It's almost April 1, which means only one thing in this big crazy town: The Saint Stupid's Parade! Beaujolais for crazy stupid people!
Here's the dealy-do: there's this big crazy pseudo-church in San Francisco called "The First Church of the Last Laugh," run by this total WACKBALL called "Bishop Joey" (get it?). They don't do much of anything during most of the year, but on April First they have a gigantic spontaneous parade of FREAKS and WEIRDOS walking through the streets of San Francisco and acting like complete DORKS.
The Saint Stupid's Day Parade (as it's called) has been going on for some small integral number of years. The whole thing is a celebration of HUMAN STUPIDITY in all its multifarious and ingenious forms. Not just FUN and GOOFY stupidity, because there's plenty of that, but also VENAL and EVIL stupidity, BLOCKISH and DULL stupidity, VAPID and CLANDESTINE stupidity, etc. etc.
So anyways there's this giganto-parade of human stupidity, with loud and boorish actions as well as music and nudity and freakishness. You have to realize that the FCLL is mostly made up of the kind of people who are attracted to joke religions in the first place. I mean, these folks are complete QUEERBALLS the other 364.251 days of the year, so you can imagine what they look like when they actually try to give it a go and look EXTRA-FREAKY for this one special holiday.
I highly recommend that if you're in God's Favorite City on Saturday 4/1, you go to the Big Pointy Building and celebrate your own and everyone else's totally wigged out insane shithouse-crazy life. According to the FCLL, you're a part of the Human Parade of Stupidity whether you attend or not, whether you walk down the street or stand on the sidewalk gawking. So if you're going to be stupid, why not do it the fun way? Go put on your FREAK FLAG clothes, stick a couple of chopsticks in your ears, paint a big PANDA BEAR on your beer belly and tromp down the avenue with the rest of the dipsticks. Beaujolais for the Stupid Parade!
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The end of summer is near and sirens call of Black Rock City are beginning to summons Pigdoggers from all of the world to Burning Man. Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL), the world leader in beverage science and leisure technology will be at our second home for a week at 5:00 and Infant (how fitting) as we enjoy the liberated lifestyle of a temporary community 200 miles from nowhere... (More...)
What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
A Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Liquor
Curled up cozy with a good book? All warm and snuggly and thinking about friends far away? So am I, reading the greatest story by the greatest writer -- when he suddenly starts waxing philosophical about liquor! (More...)
Datelined "Historic Mariposa," the fateful press release came in like an angry wind, announcing the release of a self-produced album, "Ordinary Hero," by occasional Pigdog contributor Thom Stark, in the language and tone of a Major Event, setting off a brief firestorm around the pigdog mailing list. (More...)