George Bush, Now With Kung Fu Action Grip

by Tjames Madison

2002-04-19 13:58:29

Coincidence? ...Or Enemy Action?

Some toy company is now making George Bush and Osama Bin Laden action figures. I wonder if Big George gets to drive around in a special Camping Wagon with his best pal Big Tony, and then decapitate a rogue beaver with his chainsaw, like I used to make Big Jim do?

The toy company, herobuilders.com, doesn't use Bush's real name, but simply identifies the sneaky squint-eyed bastard as "Our Hero"; also represented are Tony Blair ("The Ally,") and Rudy Giuliani ("The Rock"). The latest introduction to the line-up of action figures is Bin Laden, his true identity celeverly disguised as "Osama Bin Laden".

Although each figure comes only with a standard sort of action figure jumpsuit, each can be posed with the sort of action figure accessories easily obtained at any toy store. So if you want to have Dubya fighting with a big snake, go for it. What I'd really like to see is Bush fighting Spock to the death with light sabers, so I will probably have to obtain one of these things somehow.

herobuilders.com also claims they can make a personalized action figure out ofanyone, which seems real creepy to me. But maybe it's something Pigdog should look into: GASP as Johnnie Royale swings on a vine, clutching a keg of Guinness! THRILL as El Snatcher fights the Illuminati Assassins armed only with a pointy stick! OOZE with anticipations as Mr. Bad slithers toward a karate-chopping finale with a big board laid out across two tiny plastic cinder blocks!

Or maybe not. I'm not sure I could resist the temptation to set fire to any doll that looked like me. That might be a problem in a crowded place, like a restaurant or pub, and certainly wouldn't make for a wise investment.

It just occured to me that you could make Action George and Action Tony do weird sex things with each other. Huh. I wonder if I'm strange for thinking that.

Check it out yourself

zuul@pigdog.org