Shake It, But Don't Break It

by Miss Conduct

2002-03-02 04:18:40

Broad View

Many kind readers have expressed a curiousity in what, exactly, boomshakalicious means. It is difficult to describe, but I'll try. It is so much more than just a word. It defines a certain Je Ne C'est Quoi or pizazz. It is a feeling, an attitude, a way of life. It's the thing that makes you dance to James Brown.

Boomshakalicious is comprised of three root words: Boom - to blow up, erupt or explode; Shaka - to shake, shimmy or wiggle; and Licious - tasty, flavorful or sumptuous. Boomshakalicious = explosive earth-shattering delicacy.

Very few have actually been able to fully embody boomshakaliciosity. It is a subliminal sense that requires a great deal of perspicacity. It's sexy, yet sophisticated. Bold, yet unassuming. Refined, yet obnoxious. Boomshakalicious is a feeling you get when that Special One you're hot for starts giving you the vibe. It is the sound you hear when a Hottie walks by (boomshaka-boomshaka-boom). It's the physical description in your personal ad when you are neither petite nor muscular. It has the power to attract people even when you ignore them ever so lovingly. It also has the power to frighten people away if you're not careful. It is the delicate balance between grace and obstreperousness.

You know you're boomshakalicious when: no matter how unattractive you feel, your friends continuously expound on your sex appeal without being prompted. You get more come ons at the market wearing sweats and curlers than dressed to the nines at The Next Big Thing. Nobody is surprised that you like porn. Offering someone a cocktail is boomshakalicious. Offering them Orgasm Cream is not. (Boomshakalicious people are not frigid.) Wearing a long sweater with no clothes underneath is. Showing more than an inch of butt crack is not. A trip to Vegas is. A trip to Guantanamo Bay is not. Cher is. Sonny, not.

Famous boomshakalicious people are Marilyn Monroe, Tina Turner and Mae West. Elvis is, of course, boomshakalicious. Even Jimmy Durante had a little boomshak going on. However, John Tesh has no boomshakaliciousness. Any item of clothing that resembles an endangered species or reveals a belly button is boomshakalicious. Uniforms are definitely boomshakalicious, especially doctor, nurse and police uniforms. Izods are not boomshakalicious. Neither is khaki (unless it is in the form of some type of uniform). Plaid is not always boomshakalicious, but kilts and catholic school girl uniforms are.

If it were a film category, it would house such classics as Beach Blanket Bingo, The Swinger and Viva Las Vegas. Boomshakalicious cannot be a music category. For if a certain song makes you FEEL boomshakalicious, then it is, to you at least. However, anything by George Clinton and/or Bootsy Collins is certainly boomshakalicious. Oh, and there's this DJ named Neel N. Kizmiaz - he is supercaliboomshakalicious.

France is boomshakalicious, but Canadia is not.

aznar@pigdog.org