Build Date: Thu Nov 21 14:30:19 2024 UTC
I've been working on my resume for 10 solid years, but when it gets done, it will be exquisite.
-- Ratsnatcher
Fun and Flames at Survival Research Labs
2001-06-09 11:11:55
Our intrepid reporter and gonzo journalist, CrackMonkey, went to the Survival Research Labs and artcar demolition derby in San Francisco last night and got demolished. He filed this report which we now post for posterity here in the Pigdog Journal, where Bad People of Future stay informed.
Fuq, okay, so I'm writing this little report while pretty goddamn drunk off of all the shit that we drank tonight. It all seems to have hit me right about now, so this is gonna be interesting.
Stephane and I convened at the Glen Park BART station to rearrange our wares and prepare the thermos o' Cap'n Emad's Land Yo' Sorry Arse In Th' Brig ArrrrrrrUM!
We bought cokes for innocuous beverage factor, and headed onto the 23 on our way to ACE auto wrecking for the SRL show.
The Devo impersonators seemed a lot more like Beastie Boys impersonators to us, so maybe that was just the opening act. We sat on the tires and drank our spocktails out of specially designed techno-beveratology devices and watched the ensuing Images Of The Future.
SRL shows are all like you're in The Future and it's full of Bad People. Everyone's all done up in goofy shit, and there's big ass Machines and people in Alien Bug costumes doing Crazy Techno Ambient and there's people in Bullhorns making Cop Noise and it's all just woo woo woo bzzzt frsshhhh zzzzap!
Fuq, this rum is evil shit, man.
Okay, trying to focus here...
phew!
So they lit these boards on fire and stuck firecrackers in the ass of 2x4s and shot them, flaming with aluminomagnesiastic fanfare into flats full of computer monitors and chaos and future tech and shit and BOOM and BANG and lots a lights.
It was great, and the guy wand'ring round in his orange stilt suit with TV cameras and buglook and bullhorns and crazyfu was drowned out by the engine that deliberately backfires because they have big ass sparkplugs on the exhaust and keep the mix rich as fuck.
But then cops REALLY CAME and they SHUT DOWN THE FUTURE so we had to stumble out into the past and look for busses.
We gave up and started looking for BATHROOMS. We went to burger sling and they only had drivethru
We event to the old clamhouse CLOSED FOR THE EVENING.
McDonucks was the same as BK.
Then we come upon Yorgo's Greek Bar and Donut Shop WE NEVER CLOSE and BREAKFAST 24HRS and FREE OUZO!
__ __ _ ____ ___ _ _ _
\ \ / // \ / ___| / _ \| | | | |
\ V // _ \ \___ \| | | | | | | |
| |/ ___ \ ___) | |_| | |_| |_|
|_/_/ \_\____/ \___/ \___/(_)
This regular guy was swearing in Greek and at least I know the dirty words, so it was all fun, and Yorgo the barman had a friend drive us to Zeitgeist where there was THE TAMALE LADY and I had tamales and chocolate and Guinness and rum and YOU ALL MISSED OUT ON THE GREATEST FUCKING NIGHT IN SAN FRANCISCO EVER AND I LAUGH AT ALL YOUR MISFORTUNES!
That is, until tomorrow morning, at which point I will likely be in heavy Regret Mode.
Stay tuned, and all...
T O P S T O R I E S
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
The days are getting longer and, as the man says, the nights are getting HOTTER! Lick your finger, touch your ass and go *Tschssh*, cause the damn SUN is out now! And of course that means it's time for a refreshing Spocktail that meets YOUR NEEDS for a delicious booze cooler at affordable prices. (More...)
Boo-zho-lay for you, Pigdog reader! Another fine Spocktail of the week is available for you. And this week's offering is EXTRA special and fancy, since it celebrates the birthday of Pigdog's own STAR TWINS! (More...)
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
One of our star reporters was sent to Comdex by his employer. El Destino reports live from the biggest, geekiest trade show in the world. (More...)
The Ancient and Correct Sake Ceremony
Many Americans have learned to appreciate the delicate, sophisticated flavors of Japanese food and drink, along with the beautifully refined rituals of Japanese dining. San Francisco, as a gateway between East and West, has especially benefited from the flowering of Eastern consciousness in America. It is hardly possible to walk down the street without stepping on somebody's sushi. (More...)
