Build Date: Sat May 18 10:10:13 2024 UTC
I for one am perpetually about three minutes away from taking to the street with Molotov cocktails.
-- Siduri
Crackmonkey
Pigdog Journal Articles
2003-01-31
For nearly a year and a half, people around the world have taken it on faith that the Sept 11 attacks on the United States were perpetrated by Saudi terrorists under the direction of one Osama bin Laden. Only now does the power of the Internet allow the necessary research to be completed, proving once and for all that Sept 11 was perpetrated by the only nation more evil than the Dutch: Canadia!
2001-11-04
52 cards and a copy of Hoyle can keep a handful of sex-starved shipmates docile for days on end before they degenerate to strip poker. With that in mind, the intellectual freedom posse give you the "piecepack" in the hopes that it will do for board games what the standard 52-card deck does for card games.
2001-09-12
We know now that in the early years of the twenty-first century this nation was being watched closely by groups more vicious than ours and yet as mortal as our own. Organizations vast, cool and unsympathetic, regarded this country with envious eyes and slowly and surely drew their plans against us. In the first year of the twenty-first century came the great disillusionment.
2001-08-09
So far our nation has been safe from wiener imports from the Socialist regime to the North, but recent developments in the Red Leaf Empire have unveiled secretive chemical weapons tests being conducted on Canadia's unsuspecting citizens!
2001-06-09
Our intrepid reporter and gonzo journalist, CrackMonkey, went to the Survival Research Labs and artcar demolition derby in San Francisco last night and got demolished. He filed this report which we now post for posterity here in the Pigdog Journal, where Bad People of Future stay informed.
2001-05-28
For the past decade, we have pined for the Red Planet. But we lack the necessary Cold War impetus to drive us there. Our Capitalistic state now considers the cost to be far too egregious, but another totalitarian socialist regime has seen fit to plan a mission to Mars -- Canadia!
2000-10-03
Passed samizdat from hacker to hacker for the past eight years, the Lambda Expressway is a surreal tale in the spirit of The Phantom Tollbooth. Originally a series of cassette tape letters recorded on a basement 4-track mixer, it has spawned a MUD, a written edition, and at least one sequel. Now, thanks to the freedom-loving peoples of Ogg, you can hear it on your own computer.
2000-05-19
For most people, the word "origami" conjures up images of paper boxes, cranes, and squirrels. This is because most people have not met Zack Brown, the archivist mastermind behind the largest collection of obscene origami on the Net. Brown's page shows you how to fold simple pieces of paper into shapes that could get your hands cut off in most oppressive American States!
2000-02-21
Although my e-mail inbox is regularly filled with unsolicited messages selling APL Compilers, Dutch pastry recipes, and Czech get-rich-quick schemes, my postal mailbox is full of even more nefarious spam. Here's how I deal with it.
2000-02-21
The appalling state of education in this country never ceases to amaze me. Only recently in an informal office poll did I learn that NO ONE has heard of the greatest of rulers: Cletus Porcinus, the Slack-Jawed Emperor of Rome.
1999-10-08
Crackmonkey travels to an LA SF convention and does unspeakable acts of cruelty to goths and Mac freaks. Rick Moen heavily featured.
1999-07-28
So I always used to see these mimes hanging out at the ice cream parlor on Third and Market here in San Francisco. The'd be dressed in their black clothes and their white face makeup and they'd just sit around and make dramatic gestures and never say anything. Then someone told me that they were goths!
1999-01-04
Well, it would seem that my predictions as to the future strategic importance of alcohol in the technology arena are coming true. Manhattan Scientifics Inc. has finally perfected what the Canadians have had for decades: fuel-grade booze!
1998-12-30
Our team of sooper seekret reconnaissance agents here at the Pigdog Sooper Seekret Canadia Reconnaissance Team have discovered the main cell of the Canadista uprising! The smarmy Canucks have even gone so far as to leave their plans up for public view, and we bring you this information in the hopes that it may save red-blooded American lives!
1998-12-20
There's an old saying that says, "If you can't get them to laugh with a monkey, then, man, you should get out of the business." With that in mind, we offer you the latest in Web scams: the FREE MONKEY Web site.
Offsite links shared by the author
2001-12-07
1999-07-26
1999-06-29
The Open Source Initiative has finally decided to branch off into other realms! For instance, this site will show you the best in Canadista Back-Bacon production!
T O P S T O R I E S
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
Gary Busey definitely involved in a hit and run accident
Gary Busey was definitely involved in a hit-and-run accident, but won't face any charges because he's rich and famous. (More...)
Gary Busey allegedly involved in Malibu hit-and-run
"Sir! You hit my car! I need your information!" the woman yelled at Gary Busey driving a battered Volvo station wagon before he sped off. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
You need to make a fruity tropical drink and you have no recipe? Here's a mix recently tested by Pigdog's crack bevertology team that's made with ingredients available from most any grocery store. It tastes sweet, fruity, and is perfect for guzzling on the last hot days of summer. (More...)
