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A-10 Frightens Evangelo

Background:  This spring, an Air Force A-10 Thunderbolt attack plane (commonly known as the “Warthog”) disappeared off radar during a routine training mission in the US Southwest.  Speculation is rampant on its whereabouts, particularly among the Special Pigdog Task Force assembled to meet this threat.  After amazingly little prodding, Pigdog correspondents revealed their secret plans and desires should they ever get hold of this powerful warplane for their own nefarious purposes.
Paul, Hair Farmer

Dear Parade Magazine —

I just discovered an A-10 Thunderbolt in my backyard.  What should I do?  Who should I tell?  PS - I love Walter Scott’s Personality Parade.

— Paul Guth, Neverland Ranch, CA

Dear Soldier of Fortune -

The A-10 Thunderbolt you sent me COD is defective.  The guns are not big enough.  Send me bigger guns or I will pay you NOTHING, sparky.

— Doctor Murdock, Castle Wolfenstein, Myanamar
Col. Murdock
STR

Dear Pigdog Team,

If I had my own A-10 I would fly to Virginia. Then I could buy some good fresh HAM.

I like ham.

 — Quaker State Tapioca Rupture, Earth
Binky

Binky Tells It Like It Is